Unless you are very ill, appointments at my local doctor are usually booked up at least two weeks ahead. But less than an hour after I had seen my PSA results, someone at my medical practice had seen them too, and I received a call.
“You need to come and see a doctor”
“OK”
“Tomorrow at 0900”
“Oh”
So I did.
I don’t really have a specific doctor I can call my own, mainly because I have never been sick enough to need regular appointments for anything. So the task of telling me I am probably fucked fell to the lady doctor who had read my results.
“Good morning doctor”.
“Good morning, you are probably fucked”.
Of course she didn’t say that, but she did suggest that my high PSA score needed investigation and that she would fast track an MRI scan to investigate whether or not there was cancer present.
She then asked me if I would like her to stick her finger up my bum for an intimate prostate massage. (She worded it slightly differently).
I pondered the offer. She was an attractive lady and it had been a while since I had had anything inserted anally (I think the last time was an ill advised coffee enema, but that is definitely a story for another day).. Maybe it was the location or the general vibe, but I wasn’t that keen on the idea.
“Will it tell you anything that the MRI won’t?” I asked.
“No, I just enjoy doing it.” (She said the first word, but certainly didn’t say, or think, the rest).
“Well, let’s not bother” I suggested and she was visibly relieved.
“You will be booked for an MRI within the next two weeks.”
And I was.
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